Many of us lack confidence and experience Imposter Syndrome. If we claim religious faith, this can deter us from acting on God’s call - we want to be sure we have not misheard. And that is ok. But, sometimes, as Gideon’s story teaches us, our natural feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty are really not the point.
The strange and even comedic account of Gideon hearing the call of God is found in the (equally unsetlling) book of Judges from the Old Testament. You can read it here.
“I Am With You” is a recurring promise made by YHWH, God of the Israelites, in the Hebrew scriptures. If we are Christian, this promise is part of our context.
But - in this messy world, a lot of things can appear bigger than God. Currently, life is flipped upside down by a pandemic, torn apart by political division, racism and financial inequality…
How easy do you find it to remember the promise of Divine company? Do you gain self-esteem and hope from it?
~
During Gideon’s life, the Israelite people faced bewildering situations. We are told in this story of the seven awful years they endured, being terrorised by the dominant Midianite tribe. Gideon, like his friends and family, is scared and disgruntled. We find him hidden away, desperately trying to prepare food before it is destroyed by his enemies.
God chooses this moment to reach out. An angel of YHWH appears and says:
“The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.”
Spend some time in silence, imagining the scene and putting yourself in Gideon’s shoes. What would your reaction be?
~
Gideon doesn’t seem to be awe-struck! We might wonder how the angel appears to him. His comeback is immediate and firm:
“But sir, if the Lord is with us, why then has all this happened to us? And where are all his wonderful deeds?”
These are good and sensible questions. We, too, could be forgiven for asking them, when we look at the devastating death tolls and financial wreckage that many across the world have experienced in the last year.
God is accepting of our questions. The answers are rarely what we expect! Here, the response is not a justification but a command:
“Go in this might of yours and deliver Israel from the hand of Midian; I hereby commission you.”
The challenge is abrupt but there is comfort in it.
Gideon’s questions and vulnerability do not matter. He is told to go in the strength that he has. He does not need to work up to a place of supreme ability or confidence - or even understanding! Himself is enough.
He also finds that the answer to his question is his own self. God invites him to provide an answer to the ‘Where is God?’ question; to bring hope to his people in a seemingly hopeless situation.
Do you see yourself in Gideon and his doubts?
“But sir, how can I deliver Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.”
In a hierarchical society, Gideon’s family is the weakest and in that family, he is at the bottom of the pile.
Have you ever felt like you were the weakest link, the least important? Do you ever feel that other people are more equipped for your job than you? Spend some time with these memories and feelings.
Sometimes, we hear God; we remember God’s promise to be with us - but we doubt and question whether to follow the call.
Do you believe you are in good company? Do you accept the Divine promise?
~
Take heart if you are not sure - because Gideon wasn’t, either!
He decides he must follow religious protocol and get a gift for the angel, who seems to represent or be one and the same as God. In fact, he asks the Divine visitor to stay (in the winepress?) until he returns.
It is lovely that the Being replies:
“I will stay until you return.”
How astounding that God, having given a command, is happy to wait while Gideon reassures himself!
Perhaps you can remember times when, faced with a Divine summons, you have responded by trying to complete a religious ritual; or to ‘do’ something for God first. Do we hope thereby to appear righteous? Or to superstitiously draw God closer? Are we looking for safer signs of God’s presence when the wildness of the Spirit is already all around us?
~
Religious or spiritual practices that function like Gideon’s offering can be good and help us meet with God. They are not a substitute for Divine company, however. The promise is that God is already here.
And yet, God will wait until we return from our busy spirituality. In this story, God even gets involved, providing instruction and guidance on how to make a religious sacrifice!
Gideon finally accepts reality, exclaiming:
“I have seen the angel of the Lord face to face!”
Gideon was in the presence of God all the time but acceptance was a process. How about you?
Is it encouraging to consider that God will remain by your side, even if you do not accept it? Or is it a threatening idea? Take a moment to wonder about that.
~
You may like to listen to this song by the Velvet Underground as you reflect on the unchanging companionship of God and our ability to believe in it.